There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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