I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
