It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
