Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
