I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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