I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
