Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My bed smells like the plague
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
