my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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