I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
