I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
