dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
