good thing vaginas are great cup holders
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
