last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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