Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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