oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
