I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
