I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This is the high leading the old right now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
