and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
