Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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