marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
