New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
