Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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