If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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