He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
