Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
