Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
