Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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