just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
