i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
