4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize