DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
