I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
