Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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