yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
