i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
