Buhtt sex?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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