I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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