my being single is dangerous.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We are all done wearing pants today
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
