Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
