i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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