wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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