you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
