im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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