the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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