i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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