How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
