I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
