My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
