96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
