i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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